Letter by Malika

Malika Aanaïs Levy-f wrote this letter during her first week in Bemidji.

today i cried five times dr. kevin. heat came out of my ears and radiated off my head as it spun. i think people could see the waves. someone said i'm sorry for that. i said crying is one of my best teachers. i willingly give my water to the dead.

today i watched people on video saying:

"Spear an Indian, spare a Walleye."
"Kill a pregnant Squaw, save two Walleye."
"Timber Nigger"
"The treaty rights of the Chippewa are a license to steal."
"Red Nigger"
"1st Annual Chippewa Shoot"
"Water Nigger"
D.N.R. = "Dead No-good Redskin"
"I'll stick this ------- pole up your ---."

more than ever I need James not to be white right now. i need him to claim his native indigenous identity as the son of a Lakota woman. and i do realize i'm saying this to you, you being you. but you see i decided i needed some time alone, some time away - and i should have said so to the kids when they saw me on fire, after hearing those words out of real people's mouths and i still walked to and through downtown Bemidji Minnesota for two hours looking at American flags American Legions and having yet another white person, a white man, say something about my "weave" because this can't be my hair and still still still stare in disbelief when i say calmly, say with poise and pride that, yes, it is - with a smile.

i'm ever so aware i'm living on stolen land. i want to leave this country. i want to go home. and i'm not sure where that is anymore except that it's a place where people are not ghosts and they speak the truth - a place where fear is not the people's leader.

fear is the mind killer. i will turn around, look over my shoulder and face my fear; and i will destroy it. and when i turn back around there will be only me. -f.h.

pray to the almighty let us not do unto as has been done unto us. teach your beloved children who have been enslaved to reach for the light continually. -s.